An Empty Room
by Secret.Crowds120
Summary: Bonnie Bennett is forced to scale the line between losing herself or losing all she's ever known. The pressure is causing her to slowly tip. In what direction will she go? Snapshots of her descent to certain madness. Loosely follows season 4.
1. Chapter 1

It's a wild flame, untamed and unchecked.

It attacks her at moments of peace, moments when her brain is free from the occupying thoughts of fear and defensive action. With every passing day, the reputation of Mystic Falls grows darker. It grows out of the reach of logic and reason and stretches across expanses of pure evility.

In the moment, she's firm. She knows who she is, she thinks she knows her purpose; but as soon as her body reclines, as soon as her mind begins to spiral towards the shores of sleep, the embers of violence attack.

Why does she have to live in this forsaken town? Why does she have to exist in this spherical mania? Every weapon and every hidden spade revolves around protecting and ensuring the safety of one: her best friend, her sister. Elena Gilbert is embedded in every facet of Bonnie Bennett's person. Their roots are intertwined, their bond comprised of the purest form of familial love and trust has been a salve in their tumultuous life.

As time shifts, however, there is an onslaught of death. The truth of their lineage, the demise of Grams, the second abandonment of Abby, the endings Elena has endured of sets upon sets of parental figures and of her own self are events that begin to scratch at the gilded bond of these soon-to-be broken girls.

As Bonnie lies in pursuit of slumber, her dormant thoughts rise and scatter. They fill her up and spread across the room, they illuminate the exhaustion that bubbles within.

The girl that Elena used to be, the girl that Bonnie was, the girl that Bonnie hoped to be, are lost in this wretched inferno.

Bonnie wants to defend, she wants to protect, but for whose sake? Certainly not for her own. She gets nothing of this deal but even this does not bother her. What gets her is that the girl on the receiving end is not behaving as one that is worth it any more.

So as her thoughts become disjointed, and her eyes grow heavy with tire, her body blazes with unbridled anger and her mind is inflamed with ire.


	2. Chapter 2

Death is a heavily layered occasion; at least, that's what Bonnie's finding out.

The first hit to her pre-constructed idea of death was the introduction of vampires, beings that experienced death and then fed on the living to survive. To illustrate this great point Bonnie need only to tap the scars on the side of her neck, the indentations of Damon Salvatore had a certain clinging effect on a person.

The next hit that barreled towards her was the introduction of ghosts- vengeful imitations of persons past who succeeded in furthering their agendas and affecting the living of this earth. Ghosts that almost ripped her apart from those around her- Jeremy, Matt, Elena- ghosts, these transparent, Casper-like figures from TV had somehow affected her in a manner much more real than what Ghost Busters had prepared her for.

The final hit throughout all of this was the behaviour of witches, those who were supposed to be her kin. First, they enabled her with their power, then ripped it away. They saved the love of her life, and then set upon torturing another. She wonders if they gave Greta, Klaus' right hand witch this much grief, then remembers the tragic fate of her and her family. For a moment she is thankful, then memories of walking through limbo and reaching Elena assault her. Subsequent memories of Grams collide in her mind, and she must pause and take deep breaths before she recovers.

The memories of these events drive her here, to evenings ensconced in the desk chair in her room, poring over the limited resources she has. Grams' grimoire is front and center, her own is thrown open where she records her notes. The ones of Jonas Martin and his family are spread out around her, books that she hadn't touched for weeks and months in revulsion of each family member's end. Desperation, it seems, has a way of eliminating every other feeling that stands in its way.

She's been in this position for 2 full days now, her limbs feel heavy and stiff, her eyes are dry and her eyelids seem intent on not raising further than the half-way mark between both sets of lashes. She muses over calling Abby, but the 17 year ache in her heart just won't leave her and she fears it will only grow if she dials. It's easy for her to turn it off in moments of pure business, moments where desiccation and the end of Klaus Mikaelson are near.

Now, however, in the silence of her room and the lack of distraction of other individuals makes it all too personal, all too focused on her and her absentee mother. In the past year she can't remember being the singular focus of anyone's attention and she's not so sure if she wants to break the streak now.

She entertains the thought of trying to contact Lucy, the woman who passed through her life so briefly she wonders if it actually ever happened. If she did call, what proof did she have that Lucy had her best interests at heart, had the time to coach a novice through the ins and outs of supernatural death, or that Lucy herself was well-versed in the subject at all.

One person who probably owns billions of tomes on the subject is Professor Shane, but for some reason she's been feeling a strong sense of foreboding in his presence. In the beginning, she chalked it up to Grams- knowing that she was so near to Grams and entering a piece of her world had caused her to choke up already, so why wouldn't she feel apprehension when meeting Shane in the flesh? When the sense of foreboding invaded her during their magic sessions she decided it must be a translation of her fear, nervousness and anxiety about her magic, whether it would return full force or flicker weakly while she grasped at straws. When Elena invited him to the lake house she translated that feeling as anxiousness in the face of Jeremy's plight and perhaps a tad bit of resentment that Elena seemed to touch and invade this part of her life as well.

Now, she wasn't so sure what this feeling meant. Perhaps she was sick of being so ill-informed. She reasoned that she would probably approach Professor Shane eventually, maybe in a casual manner to hide her hours of research. She might use this opportunity to impress him, she definitely didn't want to come off as some dim highschooler, and if she ran to him with every little magical enquiry she was definitely setting herself up to be viewed as that. She didn't want to think badly of him, but if this feeling turned out to be a warning that he was using her as a magical pawn, well, it wouldn't exactly be the first time and in that case she needed to have an arsenal of her own knowledge to fall back on.

She's jolted out of her musing when she hears the fiddling of a key in the front door lock and at once she rises. She grabs her blanket and drapes it over her work area, tucking all evidence of her research under the tent of cotton and poly-blend.

"Bonnie, honey, are you home?"

She hears the call of her father and for a moment she feels weightless. She's not sure what pushes her to do it, perhaps it is the great giant that calls itself desperation that fuels her, but she bounds down the stairs towards him and places her arms firmly around his middle.

Her voice is slightly muffled by his chest, "God I missed you, this past year's been hell."

There goes the dam.


	3. Chapter 3

Things are changing. As she strides away she feels it intensely, like all her insides are hardening and fighting her skin as if they want out. She stops suddenly- and she **feels** her brain land hard against the front of her skull.

"Bonnie what the hell, what's wrong with your eyes? What's happening?!"

She hears Caroline shout from what seems to be a distance, and she cocks her head to the side to gain some clarity. Her brain thumps clumsily against yet another side of its bony prison.

Her vision blurs and she closes her eyes and counts sharply from 1 to 10, "Ūnus, duo, trēs, quattuor, quīnque, sex, septem, octō, novem, decem!"

"Bonnie!" Her name is shouted again, coated in chords of fear and alarm and accompanied with a light pressure on her right side.

Every sensation hits her with full-force, with alarming clarity everything suddenly lands in technicolor before her. She feels the burn of fingers circled tightly around her forearm and she lashes out magically before her brain can process the synapses required to send the message.

She hears a grunt and Caroline now stands an arm's length away. She's clutching her phone and texting furiously with trembling fingers; her eyes darting rapidly across the screen and back to Bonnie's face.

"Silence!" This is Bonnie's own voice now: lower, firmer, stronger, "Don't fucking touch me. Don't fucking talk to me."

"Bonnie, it's me, it's Caroline," She stands in silent repose and watches as Caroline inches towards her, "I need you to tell me what is going on."

Outwardly, Bonnie expresses the warmth and mobility of a statue. Inwardly, her mind is reeling: Shane, fire, her father, Qetsiya, candles, Jeremy, stones and stakes. Images and thoughts batter past her inner eye, a lover's dance, a tumultuous tango and suddenly it all makes sense.

"I'm in control. 'What's going on' is that I am in control. I'm not here to do anyone's bidding!" Bonnie's all but shouting now, and it seems as though all the fibres of Caroline's being are exerting themselves to hold her to her spot, to stop her from fleeing to safer waters.

Caroline's seen madness- in her own vampiric state, Damon, Stefan, Elena, you name it- all those she surrounds herself with have lost control and regained it only to lose it again and continue on in some sick, circular carnival ride. Bonnie however, Bonnie was that little stone foothold. Her constancy was in the consistency of her own self, when magic was expelling out of her and exploding in fires and booms she still fought and maintained control. Up until now she embodied the rigidity, the unswerving protection of a relied upon shield and threw herself unwaveringly into battles, conquering even herself to maintain the rest of the motley crew's regular instability.

Seeing Bonnie in her present state was nothing Caroline had ever been exposed to, nothing she ever expected to be exposed to. That's exactly why she had typed out those hurried mass text messages to their hob-knob Mystic gang. She had hoped they would act out of character and rush to Bonnie's aid, but, the current prognosis looked pretty grim if she was going to be honest.

"I-I don't want you to do my 'bidding' Bonnie, I'm just," She stumbled a bit here, "I'm just pretty freaked out right now."

Bonnie seemed to visibly quake a little, she seemed to be drawing herself out of something, a state of being or a state of mind. When she locked eyes with the blues of Caroline's, her own were back to pools of green and brown.

"I'm not going to hurt you Care," She stepped towards Caroline, "I'm just telling you about the 'goings on,' if you will."

She sighed then, or rather, huffed, then with an exaggerated motion turned around and continued striding down the road leading away from the Wickery bridge.

It was Caroline's turn to cock her head to the side,

"Huh," She exhaled.

Things were changing, for better or for worse and to Caroline, it looked to be the latter. Britney's marriage to KFed seems to have gone better than this.


	4. Chapter 4

Fucking Elena.

That's the thought that keeps battering around in her mind, darting around and prodding the tear ducts at the base of her eye.

Bonnie Bennett, Mystic Falls High Prom Queen. She won prom freakin' queen and she couldn't even enjoy it. Matt was her king and for just a fraction of a second she had let the image of Jeremy/Silas float quietly to the hidden depths of her troubled mind. Her and Matt, she could imagine it, if only for a second. Matt's blue eyes, her swarthy skin, their loyalty and love- combined in a tiny child. A tangible product of a life well spent together.

She snorts, shaking her head, and rids herself of the image. 'Me and Matt, leaving this place and living a normal, human life? Unlikely.'

She exhales sharply and glances around, trying to make out if Silas is lurking anywhere in the vicinity. She presses the lock button along her car door a few more times until she can settle. She briefly toys with the idea of driving home, but knows the upcoming conversation needs to take place far away from any vying ears or the worried meddling of her father.

She pulls out her phone and dials viciously.

"_Bonnie?_" Stefan's voice comes through on the other side of the line.

"No it's Silas." She intones.

"_Silas? What the hell? Where is Bonnie?!" _ Stefan sounds frantic and she can hear a scuffle in the background.

"Relax, I'm joking," she spits out in annoyance, settling back against her leather seats. "I saw Silas tonight, in his true form."

"_What happened?"_ Stefan asks, "_Are you okay?"_

She can just barely pick up Damon's voice in the background, and knowing that he can hear the conversation as well, she continues: "He's fucked up, like really ugly. Qetsiyah was as scorned as women can come, he's hideous. The main thing is though, he has the cure. He got it from Elijah and wants to use it- but his death will bring back every supernatural death, it'd be opening certain chaos on the world."

She picks up a low whistle in the background, then Stefan speaks again, '_Shit, when is he taking it? Has he taken it already? Where are you?'_

"Doesn't matter, he's already gone. No he hasn't taken it, he needs me first. Once I've broken the barrier to the Other Side he's free to kill himself and end up where he's wanted to be all along, with his love." She breathes out slowly, listening to the silence, "It's kind of romantic, really."

'_Bonnie where are you?'_ She recognizes Stefan's worried voice and waits for Damon's to come through, '_Told you witchy wasn't strong enough, her brain is just dripping from its fucked up immortal wash.'_

She blows out more air. She knows she's freaking them out and normally, she'd be freaking herself out too, but she feels…calm. She feels stable and for the first time in a long time she feels in control. She banished Silas earlier at the dance didn't she? She took down Elena's ungrateful ass as well. She located Silas and forced him to show his true form, seemed to her like the person calling the shots this time around had the initials B.B.

"He's relentless. Anyway, I'm not doing anything just yet, although I do hold that power. Just thought I'd give the daily report to the terrible two. When you've peeled yourself away from Elena, come meet me, we'll talk tomorrow." She hangs up then, not waiting for a response, tossing her phone on the passenger seat.

The skirts of her dress rustle, reminding her of where she was tonight, as she leans across the middle console to pull her keys out of her clutch. Right before she jams it into the ignition she hears her phone beep and glances over to see the screen highlighted with a message from Matt.

'_You make it home okay? This town never gives you a night off. Sleep well Queen B, you looked beautiful tonight.'_

She shakes her head slightly, smiling all the while. As she turns her key and reverses, heading down the familiar path towards home, her mind wanders back to the little fierce child with eyes of blue.

Bonnie Bennett was forever a pawn in an unrelenting game of chess, but that little girl would be the owner of the board one day. And that's a Bennett Queen promise.


End file.
